Hello again! It would be an understatement to say that I've been having a pretty hard time of it lately. I've hesitated to lay it out there but in the interest of promoting acceptance of mental health issues I've decided it would be a good thing to talk about it all. I have dealt with clinical depression most of my life. I didn't even know what that was or that I had it until about 25 years ago when a doctor handed me samples of Prozac and told me to try them. Thank you God for Prozac!! It changed my life and certainly that of my family in very short order.
For me the clinical depression, which is a total screw-up of brain chemicals, appears as irritability and constant anxiety. There is probably a lot more but that's the main thing I focus on. At the worst, when I can barely function, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I feel very brittle as if I could easily break and I liken it to being a raw, open wound in all of my being. It's a horrible place to exist. I'm not saying this is it for everyone, just that this is how I feel.
Recently I quit taking any meds (I've had a lot of variations over the past 25 years.) for various reasons and I did not follow up and find an alternative. I was doing so-so but basically okay until an event sent me into a spiral. I won't talk about the event but I did end up in the worst crisis of my life since being diagnosed. This was totally stupid on my part and I'm paying the price now. BUT there is help and I'm getting much better. My amazing husband called around and found an outpatient program right away. Just knowing I had somewhere to go for help calmed me down right away. So far I've completed nine days of this group therapy and I've have gotten back on Prozac. I already feel a lot better and anticipate feeling WAY better in another week or two.
I'm not looking for any sympathy here. The one most deserving of that would be my husband! 8^) I just want folks to know that there's no shame in an event like this (except maybe not taking the proper precautions when I obviously know better) and that there is help available. DON'T WAIT TO GET HELP!
And thank God for wonderful friends and family who have let me know that they care and are truly here for me. I have people I can call upon for support. This is a treasure that cannot be measured. Just having a number to call is a huge security blanket!
I am truly blessed.
And for a fun finish....here is that nest again!
Obviously they are in a state only a parent could love at this juncture. I can't tell for sure but I think there are 4 babies and we are now sure it's a wren. We think a Carolina wren. It is a joy to watch the mom and dad continually going back and forth to feed the babies. They don't fly right into the nest but hop around and work their way up through our plant stand to the nest.
We are having our house painted so I put out signs warning the painters away from the nest. They have been great about following my wishes and the nest is still doing great. And here is my last photo taken today. You can't see much but I'm trying to bother them as little as possible. If you look closely you can see they have feathers now. According to our bird book they should be out flying around in another week! We'll see....
Many blessings,
gk
For me the clinical depression, which is a total screw-up of brain chemicals, appears as irritability and constant anxiety. There is probably a lot more but that's the main thing I focus on. At the worst, when I can barely function, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I feel very brittle as if I could easily break and I liken it to being a raw, open wound in all of my being. It's a horrible place to exist. I'm not saying this is it for everyone, just that this is how I feel.
Recently I quit taking any meds (I've had a lot of variations over the past 25 years.) for various reasons and I did not follow up and find an alternative. I was doing so-so but basically okay until an event sent me into a spiral. I won't talk about the event but I did end up in the worst crisis of my life since being diagnosed. This was totally stupid on my part and I'm paying the price now. BUT there is help and I'm getting much better. My amazing husband called around and found an outpatient program right away. Just knowing I had somewhere to go for help calmed me down right away. So far I've completed nine days of this group therapy and I've have gotten back on Prozac. I already feel a lot better and anticipate feeling WAY better in another week or two.
I'm not looking for any sympathy here. The one most deserving of that would be my husband! 8^) I just want folks to know that there's no shame in an event like this (except maybe not taking the proper precautions when I obviously know better) and that there is help available. DON'T WAIT TO GET HELP!
And thank God for wonderful friends and family who have let me know that they care and are truly here for me. I have people I can call upon for support. This is a treasure that cannot be measured. Just having a number to call is a huge security blanket!
I am truly blessed.
And for a fun finish....here is that nest again!
 | |
| They've hatched! |
Obviously they are in a state only a parent could love at this juncture. I can't tell for sure but I think there are 4 babies and we are now sure it's a wren. We think a Carolina wren. It is a joy to watch the mom and dad continually going back and forth to feed the babies. They don't fly right into the nest but hop around and work their way up through our plant stand to the nest.
 | |
| Nest just above the note |
We are having our house painted so I put out signs warning the painters away from the nest. They have been great about following my wishes and the nest is still doing great. And here is my last photo taken today. You can't see much but I'm trying to bother them as little as possible. If you look closely you can see they have feathers now. According to our bird book they should be out flying around in another week! We'll see....
 | |
| Feathered now |
Many blessings,
gk
Hey, Mom -- I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteGeraldine, Glad you are back to writing. You're in my prayers always.
ReplyDeleteJoAnn
Right there with you and for you. Your spirit and willingness to always face things head-on is what, in part, makes you the wonderful person we all love.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you and guide you on your continued journey.
We'll keep trying to hook up if we're in San Antonio long enough!
Eric and Carmelann
I'm sorry that I was delayed in reading this Geraldine. I was out of the country with limited access. You have always been such an inspiration to me and your way of dealing with this crisis is just another example of how you lead and guide others with your openess, honesty and caring. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that each day brings you closer to where God wants you to be.
ReplyDelete